La Gracia: La historia del Recaudador de Impuestos

Mi Dios amado y todopoderoso,

tú me conoces. Tú sabes que soy un pecador. Mi oficio es detestable: soy recaudador de impuestos para el imperio romano. Los demás judíos me miran con desprecio, porque soy un traidor a nuestro pueblo. Compré mi puesto de trabajo por una pequeña fortuna, y a cambio mi provecho llega de todo lo que cobro de más a comerciantes y pueblerinos por toda Galilea. Ahora es demasiado tarde para mí. Me dejé llevar por la codicia y no puedo cambiar lo que hice. He pecado contra ti, mi Dios, y he pecado contra mi gente. He hecho sacrificios de arrepentimiento, pero mañana volveré a salir a la calle, volveré a ir a las casas y a los comercios. Ahora, en tu templo, por un momento estoy libre de mis muchos pecados, pero no puedo huir de mi propia maldad. Tal vez mañana no tenga suficiente capital para comprar los sacrificios del día siguiente. Pecados se amontonan sobre pecados, y ahora mismo he de oir, mientras te oro, mi Dios, como ese fariseo, hombre digno y justo ante ti, da gracias por no ser como yo. Y tiene razón en hacerlo.

Y yo sólo puedo golpearme el pecho, y humillarme, y llorar. No puedo hacer nada por mí mismo, ¡nada! Oh, Dios mío, me siento indefenso, sin refugio, sin esperanza. Nada tiene sentido para mí. ¿No llegará el libertador? ¿No vendrá el Mesías que tantas veces anuncian los sacerdotes cuando nos leen las Escrituras? Y cuando venga, ¿cómo me presentaré ante él? Temo que me contará entre los enemigos de Israel y me destruirá con ellos. No soy digno, soy escoria, soy sólo un pecador malvado, débil de carácter y atrapado por sus propios errores. ¡Oh, Dios mío, ten misericordia de mí!

No sé cuanto tiempo llevo de rodillas. No sé cuanto me he golpeado en el pecho, no sé cuanto he llorado. He dejado que el tiempo pasara humillado en tu templo, abandonado a tu merced. Y ahora hay un joven a mi lado; creo que le recuerdo, es el hijo de un carpintero de Nazaret. Un chico de buena reputación, él y sus hermanos. Por eso me extraña que se acerque a alguien como yo. Y qué expresión tan pacífica tiene. Beatífica. Debe tener unos veinte años, pero tiene rostro de ángel, como si fuera mucho más joven. Se agacha a mi lado, me mira a los ojos con la autoridad de un varón, de un sacerdote, y me dice "Hoy te irás a tu hogar justificado ante Dios".

No recuerdo cuando me puse en pie y salí del templo. Me encontré en el camino a mi casa, caminando como en sueños, aun boquiabierto, y lleno de una paz como nunca había conocido antes. ¿Yo, justificado? ¿Yo, un publicano, recibiendo la misericordia de Dios, siendo tan indigno? Me cuesta de entender. De niño, memoricé con mi maestro de la ley el libro de Deuteronomio. Por primera vez en años, recuerdo las consecuencias de la obediencia y la desobediencia del pacto de Israel con el Señor, tal y como fueron dictadas al mismo Moisés. Pero también decía que, incluso habiendo venido las maldiciones que acompañan el apartarse de Dios, "cuando hubieren venido sobre ti todas estas cosas, la bendición y la maldición que he puesto delante de ti, y te arrepintieres en medio de todas las naciones adonde te hubiere arrojado Jehová tu Dios,y te convirtieres a Jehová tu Dios, y obedecieres a su voz conforme a todo lo que yo te mando hoy, tú y tus hijos, con todo tu corazón y con toda tu alma, entonces Jehová hará volver a tus cautivos, y tendrá misericordia de ti, y volverá a recogerte de entre todos los pueblos adonde te hubiere esparcido Jehová tu Dios... Y tú volverás, y oirás la voz de Jehová, y pondrás por obra todos sus mandamientos que yo te ordeno hoy." (Deuteronomio 30:1-3,8).

Es extraño, porque es muy distinto de lo que nos explican los escribas cuando interpretan la ley. Ellos nos dicen que debemos esforzarnos, dejar nuestros pecados, ofrecer sacrificios y entonces Dios nos perdonará y seremos libres de maldición. Pero en las Escrituras, el Señor ordenó que nos arrepintiéramos y volviéramos a Él. Y entonces podríamos obedecer y poner sus mandamientos por obra. No lo comprendo, pero hoy he recibido esta promesa. No sé por qué ni cómo, no puedo comprenderlo, pero hoy he vuelto justificado a mi casa.


¡Es él! ¡El joven carpintero, Jesús hijo de José! Desde aquel día en el templo, apenas había vuelto a verle. En cambio, desde hace meses sólo se oye hablar de él. Se dice que fue en busca de Juan el Bautista y que se fue al desierto, y que ha vuelto de allí ungido como profeta, hablando en las sinagogas como un poderoso intérprete de la ley. Me he preguntado, muchas veces si él también pensaba en el libro de Deuteronomio cuando me confirmó que la misericordia de Dios también estaba sobre mí. Y ahora está aquí, y predica sobre el Reino de Dios que se ha acercado. Quiero acercarme y unirme a ese grupo de discípulos que le ha seguido desde toda Siria. Pero me da vergüenza.

A mi alrededor, la gente murmura. Le han conocido de niño, a él y sus padres y sus hermanos. Preguntan quién se cree que es para hablar así. Le llaman arrogante. Yo le creo, creo en lo que está enseñando. Pero no me atrevo a dar un paso adelante. Les oigo exclamar "¿Este es el que echa fuera a los demonios? ¿Este ha sido bendecido? ¡Si yo le conozco desde que era un crío mocoso! ¿Cómo va a ser ahora un sabio? ¡Sólo quiere hacerse ver!". Sé que escucho la voz de la envidia y de la cobardía. Pero yo también soy cobarde. Yo también tengo miedo de creer, porque promete unas bendiciones desconocidas, y porque lo que dice es tan distinto de los maestros de la ley que conozco.


Es increíble. Hace dos días se oía un clamor a las puertas de Jerusalén. ¡La gente aclamaba al Mesías! Pensé "¿Será posible? ¿Está aquí el libertador?". Y entonces, entre las multitudes que extendían hojas de palma a su paso, apareció Jesús, montando un borriquillo. Y ahora, contra todo lo que ordena la ley romana, sin juicio adecuado a la ley de Moisés, sin testigos, Jesús ha sido condenado. Le miro de lejos, colgando de la cruz. No me he atrevido a decir nada; es más, como se busca a sus discípulos, yo grité como todos que se le crucificara, que no se le liberara a él, sino a Barrabás el Sanguinario. Por miedo, por vergüenza, porque soy indigno. Ahora le veo allí y tengo un nudo en la garganta. No me atrevo a irme. Le quedan escasas horas. Siento la necesidad de velarle en estos últimos momentos.

Entonces alguien me da un codazo. Son un grupo de desharrapados, desocupados, que parecen disfrutar de ver humillado a alguien que se había atrevido a brillar tanto. Se han ido turnando para darle de beber vinagre con una esponja empapada al extremo de una caña. Ahora me la tienden a mí con una sonrisa. Me quedo paralizado. Me mira con su sonrisa retorcida y desagradable; mira mis ricas ropas, mira el emblema que me identifica como un recaudador. Escupe y lanza una mirada de reojo a los legionarios; Dios misericordioso, me doy cuenta de cómo disfrutaría este tipejo de denunciarme como un seguidor de Jesús y ver cómo me arrestan y azotan. Precipitadamente, le arrebato la caña y me acerco, trotando y trastabillando por la empinada colina que es la cima del Gólgota, a las cruces.

A medida que me acerco, escucho que uno de los crucificados a un lado de Jesús toma aliento; se atraganta, porque apenas puede respirar, y hace un nuevo intento. Sus palabras me estremecen: "¡Jesús! ¡Acuérdate de mí cuando vengas en tu reino!". ¿Pero aun inspira tanta fe este hombre, este pobre desgraciado? Entiendo que para mí sea alguien especial, por las palabras que me dirigió hace tanto y que tanto significaron y tanta paz me dieron. ¿Pero a este, que tengo entendido que es un asaltador de caminos, asesino y ladrón?

Más despacio, pero he seguido andando hasta el pie mismo de la cruz de Jesús. Torpemente, levanto la caña; el vinagre gotea, baja por la caña, me mancha las mangas. No me importa, lo urgente es que no se me pueda acusar, porque podría perderlo todo, mi casa, mi familia, mis tierras; y quien sabe si no colgaría yo también de una cruz hasta morir. Levanto la mirada, pero Jesús no parece ver la caña. Uno de sus ojos está completamente cerrado; la sangre que sigue manando de su frente, con la corona de espinas que le pusieron para torturarle incrustada firmemente en su carne, se derrama sobre el ojo y le ciega. Pero Jesús está concentrado en otra cosa. Veo que está apoyándose en sus pies atravesados por un clavo enorme; oigo sus dientes rechinar, pero ni siquiera gime de dolor. Me doy cuenta entonces: está tomando aliento a su vez. Está sufriendo este dolor con tal de tomar aire para decir algo. Y habla, sin fuerza, agotado, pero una vez más, con una convicción asombrosa.

"De cierto te digo que hoy estarás conmigo en el paraíso."

La caña cae de mis manos. Mis ojos se llenan de lágrimas. Este hombre miserable ha clamado a Jesús, y Jesús le ha prometido la misma justificación que a mí. Mi humillación es tan grande que no puedo soportarla. Huyo del Gólgota, pidiendo perdón con los gritos callados de mi corazón. ¡Qué asombrosa gracia! Ya no puedo creer otra cosa; realmente, este hombre era el Hijo de Dios. Él era el Mesías. Y le hemos ejecutado.

Un joven me detiene. Ve mi rostro demudado. Me abraza como un hermano, me lleva con él. Su nombre es Santiago. Él, me dice, también es discípulo de Jesús. Me doy cuenta de que tiene razón; yo también le oí hablar y también he creído en él. Con Santiago hay otros pocos, guardando duelo, y permanezco con ellos. Unas horas más tarde, nos anuncian la muerte del Mesías. Lloramos, pero también suspiramos aliviados de que su sufrimiento haya terminado al fin.


Me he quedado estos días de la Pascua con Santiago y los suyos. Me he ocupado de traerles comida y noticias de fuera. Ellos me han compartido las enseñanzas de Jesús. Me ha sorprendido mucho saber que él también recordaba aquel breve encuentro conmigo, y que lo utilizó para expresar la misericordia de Dios. Para recordarnos que no somos nada sin Él, que nuestras obras jamás podrán traernos paz de espíritu, ni salvación, ni el completo perdón de pecados, sino el sincero clamor y abandonarnos a él. Jesús dijo también "Si alguno quiere venir en pos de mí, niéguese a sí mismo, y tome su cruz, y sígame. Porque todo el que quiera salvar su vida, la perderá; y todo el que pierda su vida por causa de mí, la hallará. Porque ¿qué aprovechará al hombre, si ganare todo el mundo, y perdiere su alma? ¿O qué recompensa dará el hombre por su alma?".

He oído hablar de Simeón el eremita, que dejó todo lo que era suyo y se apartó del mundo para acercarse a Dios. Pero siento, cuanto más medito estas palabras de Jesús, que no es esta forma de negarse la que nos quería compartir. No, nos habló de negarnos a nosotros mismos, nuestras obras, nuestros intentos de alcanzar el cielo... y que tomáramos nuestra cruz. Que los lleváramos a morir, que dejáramos morir nuestras obras religiosas como el mismo Jesús ha terminado muriendo por mano de los religiosos. Y que le siguiéramos. He llegado tarde a seguirle, pero creo que puedo seguir su estela, el rastro de sus enseñanzas. Los discípulos que le tuvieron más cerca están sufriendo mucho más que yo, pero espero que se recuperen y podamos honrar lo que el Hijo de Dios ha traído a Israel, para que no se desperdicie. Voy a seguir a Jesús y ponerme en sus manos. Acepto su gracia y el perdón de mis pecados que viene con ella. Y por el amor que le tengo, quiero dar un paso adelante y compartir este evangelio que me han enseñado, en el nombre de Jesús. Pero sigo siendo cobarde; me pregunto, habiendo muerto el Maestro, de donde vendrá el poder que necesitamos, los discípulos y yo.

Algunas mujeres que están con nosotros, María Magdalena y la otra María, la hermana de Lázaro, han salido esta mañana temprano para visitar el sepulcro de Jesús. Acaban de entrar a toda prisa, jadeando por la carrera y la emoción. Y nos anuncian algo increíble: han visto a un ángel y les ha dicho que sus discípulos se reúnan con Jesús en Galilea, porque ha resucitado, y el propio Jesús ha venido frente a ellas a confirmarles que es cierto. La muerte ha sido vencida. Una nueva gracia se abre ante nosotros para que el perdón sea eterno, completo, perfecto. Dudo por un momento de si me corresponde ir, y luego sonrío y me abandono a la misericordia de Dios. Por supuesto que yo también me reuniré con el maestro en Galilea.

9th Week - Leaving the Orphan Spirit!

Discipleship Training School. We train to be disciples following the apostles example: full-time Christian life. That's the premise of this time, that should make from us the same as the apostles were. Simple enough, isn't it?

Alright then, WHAT were the apostles to Jesus?

They came to him as disciples. They served him, because they came to believe that he was the Messiah. They learned from him, slow and steadily. Eventually, they understood his nature as the son of God. They were close. I can only guess that, at some moment, they found themselves thinking of Jesus as a friend. A close friend, in fact. The Hebrew people was waiting for a militar leader, a son of David, who would free their land from the Roman oppression. Surprisingly, he was a caring and wonderful friend who was more interested on bringing hope and good news to the despised than in rising an army. Judas rebelled against that; he couldn't stand that.

Meanwhile, the other apostles ate with Jesus. It was an usual ocurrence for them to share a same plate and soaking their bread on it. John rested his head over Jesus  chest. They were friends. Pals. They worked for him, and whenever he gave an order to them they obeyed. Again, their orders were to procclaim that the Kingdom of God was getting closer and closer, and to bring health and blessings, and rebuke demons. He was a teacher more than a boss, and finally, some of a big brother more than a teacher.

And then a Bro.

When the son of God calls you brother, what does that mean? The Bible tells us that Jesus is not ashamed of calling us, the ones who believe in Him as our saviour and Lord, his siblings. That's amazing. Not only in a "how cool!" sense; it amazes me. The Creator itself... God the Son... calls me "brother"? God the Father calls me "son" too? How can that be?

It's something too big to be understood at once. I needed to take it step by step: servant --> friend --> son. The thing is, on a normal relationship, when you arrive to a new job, you have co-workers that can eventually become friends, and good friends. Unknown people can become friends. They are potential friends. But only on very specific circumstances you can become someone's son. Or father. So, the sonship is a change on the nature itself of the relationship. It's not a natural progress of it. To become a son, you have to be born again.

In Acts 5, Peter and the apostles are being judged about sharing the Gospel by the Sanhedrin, who considers it an heresy. But then, Gamaliel -Saul's own teacher of the law!- tells the Sanhedrin that, if this doctrine is false, it will disappear on his own in a while. If it's true, opposing the apostles is the same as fighting God. That wise man was a servant of God. Probably, this show of mercy means that he was a friend of God; he understood God's mercy and closeness to His people. But he couldn't be a son yet.

Alternatively, he was just procrastinating.

After a lifetime of being an spiritual orphan, and also being influenced by human's mindset of achieving everything by ourselves -that makes total sense for an orphan who cannot ask his Father for help!- it takes time for the Holy Spirit to convince us for opening ourselves to Him. Layer by layer, our wrong mindset must go, so we can receive the full blessing of our true identity.

Being God's son means a closeness unattainable by our own means. It means that God's nature live in our own, that we receive the spirit of adoption (see Romans 8:15). It means that our dreams and desires are the same of the Holy Spirit. We'll have to lay our rights, yeah. We'll have to lay them over those God-inspired dreams. So we shouldn't stop having ambitions and desires. In fact, we should aim them higher than ever! Our Father is there to give them to us!

Of course, we should never stop the search for holiness, nor stop praying, talking and listening to the Lord. Is just that we will never need again to desperately beg, but to wait in hope and trust. We can ask passionately. Last night, I was praying with the guys from our bedroom for the finances needed for the outreach. I discerned a burden: many of us, myself included, had stopped paying the tithe for some time. Then I had a strong change of feelings.

God's definition of love is giving yourself to others: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." The outreach means that we're on our way to give ourselves to the unreached people. We love them, because God's love for them lives in us. Suddenly, I felt the urge of being able to give myself.

I wanted to. I needed to. The idea of being unable to because of my sin was unbearable. Then, crying, I repented of my sin. I asked for God's mercy, so we could be freed, as our act of disobedience was giving power to the kingdom of darkness over us, so it could block the flow of God's blessing to us. I was so sorry! I understood God's heart for the people because I shared. My Father wants to save everyone, and my sins and mistakes were hindering His love!

The prayer meeting was intense, beautiful and succesful. We're waiting for God's full provision to reach us in brief. Meanwhile, we will enjoy our time of being collected with our dear Abba.

I didn't even want to make this joke.
I was just afraid of exploding if I didn't take the chance.

8th Week - Relationship

My relationship skills... suck. I've been a loner for a long time, prefering books,games and music to social interaction. Because I was shy, and quite smart, so this kind of leisure gave me all that I wanted -fun, fantasy, surprises and personal development- without having to handle bullies, meanies and sports. Seriously, what was the deal with sports? I was asthmatic, so I could never stand them. They weren't fun for me, so how could they be for the other kids?

First symptom of lacking social interaction is lacking empathy.

And lacking empathy is the main characteristic of psycopathy.
... stop looking at me like that, guys.

Is very conforting consider the fact that God is a relational being. He doesn't need us, but He wants us. That's fatherhood and closeness. I've found, during the week, a newfound love -and understanding of what this love means- for my friends, my partners here at DTS, my family and even for strangers, as I see my evangelistic work as an act of love for those who haven't found God's grace yet.

I must say that, during all this week, I found myself working on a different idea. What's God standar for relationship? This seems to be the real question after every week, and the answer has never stopped being surprising. But this time it didn't come like that, so I started thinking about it by myself. And the answer I come by was Unity.

Guys, if we all throw Paper, the game gets boring.

God's relationships are about unity. I think the idea started with some comment that Justin did during Worldview's week: he said that when he asked God saying that he couldn't understand trinity, God's answer was that in fact Justin didn't even understand unity. Let's take a look about that.

Adam was in closeness with the Lord. He was happy and intimate with Him, but still, there was something that God Himself couldn't do to Adam. Adam was alone, the only one of his species. That wasn't good enough. Adam needed Eve. Not only so they could mate and create marriage. God can't marry a man, nor a woman. God can't physically love. God can't love you as a son, even if He of course understands sonship. God can't give Adam the kinds of love that mankind eventually would, so He provided him with that. I know, I'm digressing, but it's good digression.

The main verse I can find about my idea is in John's Gospel, chapter 17, verses 20 to 23:

“I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will[a] believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me."

So, the unity consists in sharing love. God loves Himself, and loves us. Someone told me once that, even if the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit loved each other so much, the natural next step to express their mutual, shared love was creating mankind to love them, not too differently from a loving couple who desire to father a child as the natural progression of their relationship. The child is not needed for love. He doesn't break the family unity, either; only adds to it, receives love, and promptly gives it too.

And then they can send their son to reach for the highest!
Yeah, the child in top of a Catalanish human castle uses to be younger than 10 years.

The man and the woman will be a single flesh. That's more than a metaphor of sex nor of breeding children. States a new state of being. God's glory is only His; still, we read that Jesus gave mankind the glory that He had received. He shared His best; love, glory and ministry. He gave it all to us. That was our adoption, our moment of becoming his. He cleaned us at the cross, because his glory is shekinah glory, and wherever it is, nothing else can stand, so everything else had to be taken off.

The trinity has unity as a whole. The Father is head of Christ, Christ is head of the church. The church will be Christ's wife in heaven, providing God of the kind of love that He couldn't share with Adam. It's, as everything in the Word, amazingly big and surprisingly simple, like hidden on plain sight.

FRESH WIND, FRESH FIRE

by Jim Cymbala

with Dean Merrill

Commented by Tony Herrera, candidate for the Best Missionary in the Tony Herrera Annual Prizes

Four main principles:
1- God is attracted to our weakness

We are broken. We are in need. Always. Sometimes we won't acknowledge that until such a desperate moment that praying becomes our only resource. At that moment, the sincerity of our weakness will speak to God without barriers.

It's a shame needing such things to look for Him. God isn't only all-powerful, all-knowing and all-present, He's also all-merciful. He's waiting the moment when we toss aside all of our pride, the source of all sins. At this moment, our prayer is real, stops being a mechanical routine and recognizes that we are begging for a terribly needed help that is out of our reach to get.

2- Call on the Lord!

After the help arrives, we have the best chance of going on, restoring our relationship with God. The nation of Israel did that many times on biblical times. The modern church has also seen many revivals of our connecion with the Lord. After our weakness has called Him, we can start praying to learn, to grow ourselves, to follow His lead through the Bible and through revelation in prayer. The intimacy with God must be build, and with it, the mutual trust.

At such a time, God will put responsibilities, gifts and blessings in our hands. It's our duty to put them in good use and administer them. We see, too often, that we lose the humbleness and start feeling that we, the blessed ones, are more important than others who have gifts less recognized, or less rewarding in a material, financial time. That isn't God's plan. That kind of behaviour hurts our testimony and shows, again, our pride and hipocrisy.

It's beautifully shown in the book when Jesus enters the temple and gets angry, as the place that should be "house of prayers for all nations" is being used for merchants who make a great profit in selling the animals for the sacrifice, staining the sense of the reconciliation and gratefulness to the Lord and making a business of it. It's a strong image, and after getting the full understanding of the meaning of sacrifice, I can understand Jesus righteous anger against them.

3- Nothing new under the sun

Gospel is simple. So simple, it can be hard to believe, due to our human mindset that says that everything that is worthy must be achieved through our own effort. Didn't God Himself tell that to Adam? "By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food". Then again, that was what God stablished as a consequence of man falling from God's grace. When Jesus saves us, grace is restored first thing. It's by grace that we are saved. It's by the influence of the Holy Spirit living on us, and us being accepting and close with Him, that we develop holiness. The closeness comes through prayer, the time that we actively share with God, and the Word is quite clear about that.

But then we go for the last kind of ministry, the last interpretation that let's us take an active role by ourselves. The book mentions a couple of them; rejecting generational curses and "advanced" spiritual warfare. Part of this concepts are anti biblical. Part of them are Bible-inspired, but again, that's not the same thing. Any doctrinal derivation must be rejected.

This changes on God's word aren't something new, either. Paul's letters to the Corinthians are about avoiding the corruption of the right doctrine, so we can see that this trouble existed even between the first believers. We could also think about the Pharisees laws that were added to Moses law, making impossible to discern the true God's grace behind this one. Either way, we should avoid the mistakes from the past, instead of repeating them.

4- Never stop trusting God

Eben-Ezer, "God help us up to here". The Bible signals one in special, but this "stones of promise", as it's translated, were meant to be remembrances of past victories achieved thanks to God, to strenghten and affirm the faith in later times. So, our victories don't mean "we don't need God anymore", nor even "God helped me up to here, now I can take charge". Our victories mean "God is faithful". And we should remember that before the victory, on our triumph moment, and in the future.

As I said before, the pride was and is the source of all sin. It's the old lie that says "God is a liar, He is afraid of you being independant, you don't need God, you're made in his image and likeness, so you can take charge of your fate...". Satan knows that better than us; our human nature hasn't changed since the fall and we keep believing the same stupid words.

We need to live in dependance of God. Jesus restored our relationship; let's enjoy it, rejoice in Him, share with the Lord every moment, seek for His guidance and let our heart become like His, so our desires would be on unity with those of the Holy Spirit. Then we will be able to say that Jesus is the head of the church on every moment. Do you imagine what would happen if our body, eventually, stopped following the orders of our brain and started to go around on his own?

My personal reflexion:

Prayer is amazing! We have a direct line with the Lord, the Creator of the Universe! And He is happy to receive us, He compels us to get close, trusting Him, to the throne of grace. It's the healthy place were our spiritual life can be nourished and built. This aren't new words nor arguments, but this book has made me understand it and make it a deeper part of me. I'm really thankful for this book, and I'd like to get also "Fresh Faith", from the same author.

7th week: Missions, the Gospel focus

As a Christian, I have a purpose.

There. The full week message on a phrase. Whew, I'm good.

We can go home now, kitty.
I like kitties.

... not enough? Ok, let's take a deeper look.

Now, about what that meant to me, it's amazing. It's challenging, obviously. It's also beautifully simple. Our mission is the Great Comission. We have known God's grace, and it's so magnificent, so life-changing, it gives us such freedom, that we can't help but share it. It's the message that can stop crime, provide with jobs and prosperity to everyone, end political corruption, defy our very concept of human nature. Is that powerful. Of course it has enemies. How couldn't it?

This mission has so many battlefields, that we must make choices, always following God's guide about when to move and where. There's a full third of the world unreached with the Gospel. A third, in the so-called Age of Communications? Shocking. But it's true, because is a message stopped by frontiers, difficulty and distance. I get it: on our actual countries, there's a lot of work to do, and that kind of work, in our usual mindset, is needed to support more ambitious outreaches. Or, as it usually happens, more ambitious local work, bigger concerts with more expensive and famous Christian music stars, bigger churches that are needed as the number of people grows...

I don't care about you worldly, unbelieving opinions. That was TOTALLY necessary.
How else would anyone believe that God is great?

And still, no lifestyle changing at a local level. That's frustrating, but the statistics say so. Now I'm a bit outside of the rail, I know it. That's not what we were speaking about this week, but it's a big deal for me. Right now, we're not making a difference. Or maybe we are avoiding things to get even worse, I guess it could be argued. But it would be a false statement; we see every year how new laws are approved, and now taking them back will be taking rights out for the people, so they will fight against that and everything seems more and more difficult, and Christianity focus seems more and more unstable...

Then we have the spirituality issue. Going to church is spiritual. Of course, serving at the church is being more spiritual. Being in a ministry full-time is even more spiritual. Being a missionary is seen as the most spiritual, and a missionary for the unreached zones it's obviously the most high spirituality. Oookey, kind of can understand what gets you into that line of thought. If you feel that there's a difference between secular or worldly and spiritual, you can't see yourself called to missions if God Himself doesn't call you, and then we'll see what happens. You're, simply, not so spiritual, so it's not your thing. There's even some paraboles about that. You're not the five talents guy, you're more of the two talents one. Of course you aren't the bad servant, is just that your portion of spirituality is a small one. Elijah had twice of the blessing of Eliah, so there: the Word supports why you mustn't be the person that goes further than your church's walls on Sundays.

That is manure. Of the bull kind, I presume.

That would be disgusting. Let's better see some cute kitties.
Seriously, don't you like kitties?

The Word never speaks about a difference between what's spiritual and what not. There are earths and heavens and were created at the same time. They mutually interact. How we eat, how we speak, how we think and how we dress in our culture are such important things that the Word itself adresses them. The Great Comission is for everyone, all parts of it. From local activity to the end of Earth, we are called to everything. We can go ourselves, we can support, we can make disciples.

My first contact with YWAM was, as you may remember, Josh, with El Lokal. I arrived to them just in time for a leadership course, and I took it. Then I listened, for the first time, the theory of what would happen if one Christian developed a fully capable disciple during a year, and the next year both of them would repeat the process, and then the network kept being increased.

Seriously, we only need to get it started!

We spoke then only in a numbers basis, but there's so much more. The Great Comission calls us to make disciples. The focus this days is on making converts. A convert accepts Christ and receives salvation, and that is great. But they're receiving Heaven's citizenship and their rights, but aren't teached about their duties as members of the Kingdom. They're the spoiled sons of the King, never interested in being any else, never growing, never maturing. And in fact, never leaving fully the worldly way of life and never achieving the full blessing that they were in fact called for.

That saddens me. That's my feeling every time we go to Overcome. Where's the powerful difference? Why are most of the people we speak to in there Christians and still the change is not visible between a believer's and an unbeliever's shack? Are they innerly richer and that's all? I can't know. It's possible that they are Christians who don't live on obedience, or that they still follow other traditional religions that interfere with the blessing that awaits them. I only can guess, from my privileged first-world mindset. I won't judge them, it's not my duty; I don't have the adequate tools, information or righteousness to do it, either. However, I'm sure they are not being correctly reached. They need discipleship as much as my own country's people. All of Prosper's strenght and passionate energy is into preaching, praying and deliverance. And again, how can I say that that isn't exactly what God is calling him to do?

I can only use this week's teaching to strenghten myself and avoid comitting the mistake of just doing what is being done on churches, instead of what God's word and God's spirit have called us to do for two thousand years. That's my goal.

6th Week: the Holy Spirit and me

I will never be able to understand God. I will never grasp what God is. I can be conscious of some aspects of Him, powerful aspects, any of which would take a lifetime to understand and probably not in full. It's crazy, and it makes me humble. You know, I kind of have the feeling that everything can be understood by my mind, absorb the knowledge and give it a good use, changing my way of life according to what I know now.

Yeah, good luck trying to do that with God. Or with the Holy Spirit alone. It's impossible. Totally impossible. And now I know that, but it's really difficult to asume! I'm proud in that. Got an IQ of 136, I'm clever, have an academical viewpoint of, well, everything... It's cool and helpful if I need to understand algebra. It makes enjoyable learning and memorizing historical dates. But about understanding God is useless.

Oh, this? Just an image of my last brain scan. Nothing out of the usual.
For me, I mean.

Useless. My intelect is useless. Wow. Writing it hurts. Thinking it hurts. I've feel really bad this week because I have to admit that I am made at image and likeness of Him, and still there's no way in Hell for me to comprehend my spiritual Father. Of course, I can find comfort in His promises. It's true that there's no way in Hell nor in Earth. But there's a way in Heaven; the Bible says that in Heaven I'll know God in full. That's amazing, and helps me to cope with the frustration of not being able to just, you know... putting God into a box where I could analyze Him. Again, as we said a couple of weeks ago, I don't wanna worship a God that I can see in full. I don't need to understand Him to love what I can see when I'm in his presence. It's just sometimes when I'm simply amazed and in awe and a bit, a little bit, frustrated, because I'm used to get to know everything I put my mind on.

This week, the Spirit came to the classroom and enjoyed us. In the sense that He made us all feel so full of joy that we couldn't stop laughing, and running, and dancing, and being crazy. A couple of us became drunk of the Spirit. Yeah, now I read quite differently Acts 1 and 2. I can't see anymore a great group of Jesus Christ disciples, receiving solemnly the fire that came from heavens over their heads and claiming the Gospel on any language known by mankind. That happened, for sure: they were claiming the Gospel and everyone understood them on their own language. The Bible says so, I'm no doubting that.

It's just that, around them and at the same time, and while claiming the Gospel too, they were a lot of people dancing spontaneously, laughing until their bellies hurt and then some, singing, clapping, jumping. I know understand why a lot of people saw them, God's chosen disciples, and thought "wow, I haven't seen so many drunkards at a time since Herod bachelor's party". Now that I've seen what they saw, such thought makes a lot more sense.

Not pictured: people people about to wet himself laughing

I've been in an emotional rollercoaster the full week. I hoped miracles. First day, Kevin talked to me and told me that God knows my heart and my creativity and is going to use me in that terms. That was amazing, and so fulfilling! I attended every class with hunger. Then, in wednesday, we were told that God will reveal to us and that there would be healings. And every time I think about God healing, I cover my myopic eyes and pray to receive it. I put a lot of hope on this. In fact, with my faith strengthened by the DTS teachings, it was obvious that God was going to fully heal my eyes! And maybe my broken wisdom tooth too!

And then nothing happened and I experiences in twenty minutes a whole depression. Wednesday's morning class ended and I wanted to kill myself, because God didn't love me enough to heal my eyes, or maybe He never had existed and every miracle that I witnessed until now were some kind of coincidences and I was trapped in South Africa and indebted and nothing was right.

Of course, I immediately ran to Nathan, because he's the kind of gentle giant that makes you feel safe and has the same kind of heart for worship that I want to develop on myself; I told him everything, he and Arno prayed for me, and as suddenly had come, the bitterness disappeared. Also, that night we were going to have the ministry night. I had hope again.

The night started fine, the tongues were unleashed, we sang and laughed, and then that was all again. My eyes were still untouched. Everyone started to burst in laughter and happiness and joy, and there I was, feeling so hurt with God and without being able to fight the same negative thoughts that harrassed me in the morning. I just cried trying not to draw anyone's attention, because they were being happy, and probably they deserved it. But not me. Maybe I had crossed some line on my time in occultism: my soul was scarred and impure, unworthy to God, in a different way than the flesh sins, so Jesus blood wasn't for me. Old fears and rationalizations were all over me. 

"Also, you're fat and have smelly feet. And now,
I'll start with the 'your mom' jokes."

Then someone came to me and prayed me. As he prayed, again the fears and the suffering couldn't stand. I was free to receive again, and I called for the Holy Spirit to give me his joy too, and it came, and I laughed and laughed while holding my sides, while crying and dancing.

I was focused on God's hand, more than in God's face. I wanted magic instead of intimacy. I was wrong. Now I feel stripped of all my pride, and in fact my self-esteem is stablishing itself again, slowly. I feel vulnerable and dependant. It's kind of awful, but also feels right, if that makes any sense. Today I belong to God more than before, because He has touched deep rooted issues that troubled me to take them away forever. I'm really grateful for this week.

Identity - 5th Week Journal

This week has been a tasteless, subtle, slow-acting poison. Rebecca, the speaker, administered it to us last Monday, and it took the full week to make effect. And then it killed everyone of us, and returned us to live transformed in a different thing that will never go back to what had been before.

Identity. By definition, who I am. Also, who I know that I am. It's a bit painful to admit that both concepts are not the same. I think I know who I am, I have a self-image, a self-esteem. I've defined them based on what I know about myself, what's my opinion of myself, what do I think other people thinks about me... And actually that hasn't to mean that I let other people define who I really am, but of course it contrasts. I know guys who think that they are really suave ladykillers, while everyone else who knows them have seen them trying to pick up a girl and failing miserably. Due to each of us being subjective beings, we need to relay on our peers perspective to get a (more) objective sight of reality.

I'm getting ahead. Or not. Everything we learned this week was connected. Our actual identity it's defined by our real identity, as stablished by God, seen through the filter of our own and others' oppinion. So, the search of our real identity needs for us to discard our subjective view of ourselves. And a great way to start is learning to discard our subjective view of other people. It's, again, an undeniable fact that we judge everyone we meet.

We have prejudices about people. Stereotypes on ethnies, countries, jobs, social status... Prejudices means previous judgements: they can be positive as well as negative. I can think that it's much less likely for a rich white woman to attack me than for a poor black man. I can even develop statistics that will support that opinion! And still, it's awfully wrong for me, as a Christian, a person who seeks having a mindset of loving everyone, to think bad of a poor black man or to be tense and alert, worried about the possibility of him trying to rob me.

Writing this remembers me about Mother Theresa of Calcuta. She was working with lepers on a daily basis. Someone told her that that was too dangerous, and that he wouldn't do such a thing for a million dollars. Mother Theresa answered him saying that she wouldn't either. She did that for love. Guess that's God's perspective on us: unconditional love.

We can't grasp that. Unconditional love? Ok, I love my fiancée. If she hurts me, I will be angry at her. If she betrays my trust, our relationship will be damaged. Of course, I'm ready to forgive her if she apologizes. Is there a limit to what would I forgive? I guess. Still, she has shown to me a true understanding. I have hurt her and she has always forgiven me. She is far from being perfect, but I can say that she loves me unconditionally.

We have worked on that relationship for seven years. Can I be a reflection of Christ good enough to do the same for everyone I meet? Wait, not enough: I'm going to work for bringing the gospel to everyone, including people who I'll never met, but I have to develop a caring heart who loves them too. An unprejudiced love. A mature love. And it's clear for me that only through my own relationship with God will I be able to understand and achieve that kind of love.

I'm thinking about prayer. This next week I'm going to leave my Bible aside and start to find more time on intimacy with God. I need it. I need Him. I feel something inside of me changing, but I can't conclude the change only through knowledge. I'm going to meet God and talk to Him, so I'll become the man that He planned for me to be.

I can