Identity - 5th Week Journal

This week has been a tasteless, subtle, slow-acting poison. Rebecca, the speaker, administered it to us last Monday, and it took the full week to make effect. And then it killed everyone of us, and returned us to live transformed in a different thing that will never go back to what had been before.

Identity. By definition, who I am. Also, who I know that I am. It's a bit painful to admit that both concepts are not the same. I think I know who I am, I have a self-image, a self-esteem. I've defined them based on what I know about myself, what's my opinion of myself, what do I think other people thinks about me... And actually that hasn't to mean that I let other people define who I really am, but of course it contrasts. I know guys who think that they are really suave ladykillers, while everyone else who knows them have seen them trying to pick up a girl and failing miserably. Due to each of us being subjective beings, we need to relay on our peers perspective to get a (more) objective sight of reality.

I'm getting ahead. Or not. Everything we learned this week was connected. Our actual identity it's defined by our real identity, as stablished by God, seen through the filter of our own and others' oppinion. So, the search of our real identity needs for us to discard our subjective view of ourselves. And a great way to start is learning to discard our subjective view of other people. It's, again, an undeniable fact that we judge everyone we meet.

We have prejudices about people. Stereotypes on ethnies, countries, jobs, social status... Prejudices means previous judgements: they can be positive as well as negative. I can think that it's much less likely for a rich white woman to attack me than for a poor black man. I can even develop statistics that will support that opinion! And still, it's awfully wrong for me, as a Christian, a person who seeks having a mindset of loving everyone, to think bad of a poor black man or to be tense and alert, worried about the possibility of him trying to rob me.

Writing this remembers me about Mother Theresa of Calcuta. She was working with lepers on a daily basis. Someone told her that that was too dangerous, and that he wouldn't do such a thing for a million dollars. Mother Theresa answered him saying that she wouldn't either. She did that for love. Guess that's God's perspective on us: unconditional love.

We can't grasp that. Unconditional love? Ok, I love my fiancée. If she hurts me, I will be angry at her. If she betrays my trust, our relationship will be damaged. Of course, I'm ready to forgive her if she apologizes. Is there a limit to what would I forgive? I guess. Still, she has shown to me a true understanding. I have hurt her and she has always forgiven me. She is far from being perfect, but I can say that she loves me unconditionally.

We have worked on that relationship for seven years. Can I be a reflection of Christ good enough to do the same for everyone I meet? Wait, not enough: I'm going to work for bringing the gospel to everyone, including people who I'll never met, but I have to develop a caring heart who loves them too. An unprejudiced love. A mature love. And it's clear for me that only through my own relationship with God will I be able to understand and achieve that kind of love.

I'm thinking about prayer. This next week I'm going to leave my Bible aside and start to find more time on intimacy with God. I need it. I need Him. I feel something inside of me changing, but I can't conclude the change only through knowledge. I'm going to meet God and talk to Him, so I'll become the man that He planned for me to be.

I can