you know me. You know I am a sinner. My office is detestable: I am a tax collector for the Roman Empire. Other Jews look down on me because I am a traitor to our people. Bought my job for a small fortune, and change my advantage comes from all that charging more merchants and townspeople throughout Galilee. Now it's too late for me. I got carried away by greed and I can not change what I did. I have sinned against you, my God, I have sinned against my people. I have made sacrifices of repentance, but tomorrow'll go outside, will go to houses and shops. Now, in your temple, for a moment I am free of my many sins, but I can not run away from my own wickedness. Maybe tomorrow not have enough capital to buy the next day's sacrifices. Sins sins are piled on, and now I have to hear, as you gold, my God, like the Pharisee, decent and fair man before you, thanks for not being like me. And he is right to do so.
And I can only hit the chest, and humble, and mourn. I can not do anything for myself, nothing! Oh, my God, I feel helpless, without shelter, without hope. Nothing makes sense to me. Do not come the deliverer? Messiah will not come so often advertised priests when we read the Scriptures? And when he comes, how shall I come before him? I will fear among the enemies of Israel and I will destroy them. I'm not worthy, I'm scum, I'm just a wicked sinner, weak character and trapped by their own mistakes. Oh, my God, have mercy on me!
I do not remember when I stood up and left the temple. I found it on the way home, walking in a daze, still gaping, and full of peace as he had never known before. Me, justified? Me, a publican, receiving the mercy of God, being so unworthy? I find it hard to understand. As a child, I memorized my scribe the book of Deuteronomy. For the first time in years, I remember the consequences of obedience and disobedience of Israel's covenant with the Lord, just as they were handed down to Moses himself. But he also said that even having come accompanying curses away from God, "when have come upon you all these things, the blessing and the curse which I have set before you, and to mind among all the nations where you Lord thy God hath driven, and you turn to the Lord thy God, and shalt obey his voice according to all that I command thee this day, thou and thy children, with all your heart and with all your soul, then the Lord will restore your captivity, and have compassion upon thee, and will gather you again from all the nations where the Lord your God has scattered ... And thou shalt return and obey the voice of Yahweh, and do all his commandments which I command you today . " (Deuteronomy 30:1-3,8).
It's strange, because it is very different from what the scribes tell us when interpreting the law. They tell us that we must strive to leave our sins, sacrifice and then God will forgive us and we will be free of the curse. But in Scripture, the Lord commanded us to repent and we return to Him, and then we would obey His commandments and make work. I do not understand, but today I received this promise. Do not know why or how, I can not understand it, but today I returned to my house justified.
---
It's him! The young carpenter, Jesus son of Joseph! Since that day in the temple, had barely seen him. Instead, for months only hear about it. They say it was in search of John the Baptist and went to the desert, and from there has become anointed as prophet, speaking in the synagogues as a powerful lawyer. I have wondered many times if he also thought of the book of Deuteronomy when I confirmed that the mercy of God was on me also. And now he's here and preach about the Kingdom of God is at hand. I want to come and join this group of disciples who followed him from all Syria. But I am ashamed.
All around me, people whisper. I have known as a child, he and his parents and siblings. Wonder who is believed to speak well. They call him arrogant. I believe you, I believe in what you are teaching. But I dare not take a step forward. I hear them exclaim "This is the one cast out demons? Blessed this? If I know him since I was a snotty brat! How will he now have become a wise man? He only wants to be seen". I know I'm hearing the voice of the envy and the cowardice. But I'm a coward too. I believe but I have fear, because he promises an unknown blessing, and because what he says is so different from what the scribes I know claim.
---
That's incredible. Two days ago I heard a clamor at the gates of Jerusalem. People cheered the Messiah! I thought "Is it possible? Are you here the liberator?". And then, among the crowds spread palm leaves in its wake, appeared Jesus, riding a donkey. And now, against all that Roman law order without proper judgment to the law of Moses, without witnesses, Jesus has been condemned. I look away, hanging on the cross. I did not dare to say anything, indeed, as his disciples looking, I cried like everyone to be crucified, he was not release him, Bloody but Barabbas. By fear or shame, for I am unworthy. Now I see there and I have a lump in his throat. I dare not go. We are few hours. I feel the need to watch over him in recent times.
Then someone nudges me. They are a group of ragged, unemployed, who seem to enjoy seeing someone humiliated who had dared to shine much. They have been taking turns giving him drink vinegar with a sponge to the end of a reed. Now me tend to me with a smile. I freeze. He looks at me with his crooked smile and unpleasant; see my rich clothes, look at the emblem that identifies me as a collector. Spits and throws a glance at the legionaries; merciful God, I realize how I would enjoy this little guy to denounce me as a follower of Jesus and see how I get arrested and whipped. Hastily, I snatched the cane and approach, trotting and stumbling down the steep hill which is the summit of Golgotha, to the crosses.
Slow down, but I kept walking to the foot of the cross of Jesus. Awkwardly, I lift the rod, the vinegar drips down the cane, I spot the sleeves. I do not care, it is urgent that I can be accused, because you could lose everything, my house, my family, my land, and who knows if I also hang a cross to die. He looked up, but Jesus did not seem to see the cane. One eye is completely closed, the blood that is pouring from his forehead, with the crown of thorns placed to torture firmly embedded in his flesh, spilling over the eye and blind. But Jesus is concentrating on something else. I see you're leaning on his feet pierced by a nail enormous; hear his teeth grinding, but even groans in pain. I realize then: breath taking turn. This pain is just to take a breath to say something. He speaks, without force, exhausted, but again, with amazing conviction.
"Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise."
The cane falls from my hand. My eyes fill with tears. This wretched man has cried out to Jesus, and Jesus has promised the same justification as to me. My humiliation is so great that I can not bear it. I flee Golgotha, cries apologizing quiet of my heart. What amazing grace! I can not believe otherwise, really, this man was the Son of God. He was the Messiah. And we've executed.
A young man stops me. See my face contorted. He hugs me like a brother, me with him. His name is Santiago. He tells me, also a disciple of Jesus. I realize you're right, I also heard him speak and I believed in it. In Santiago there are a few others, keeping duel, and remain with them. A few hours later, we announce the death of the Messiah. We grieve, but also sighs relieved that his suffering is finally over.
---
I've run these days of Easter with James and his. I took care of bringing out food and news. They've shared the teachings of Jesus. I was surprised to learn that he also remembered that brief encounter with me, and used it to express God's mercy. To remind us that we are nothing without Him, that our works can never bring us peace of mind, no salvation, no complete forgiveness of sins, but the sincere cry and abandon him. Jesus also said, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake, find it. For what shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and lose his own soul, or what shall a man give for his soul? ".
I've heard of Simeon the Hermit, who left all that was his and turned away from the world to come to God. But I feel the more I ponder these words of Jesus, which is not to refuse this way that we wanted to share. No, we talked about denying ourselves, our work, our attempts to reach the sky ... and we took our cross. That should carry them to die, that we let die our religious works as Jesus dying for hand over of the religious. And to follow him. I was late to follow, but I think I can follow in his wake, the trail of his teachings. The disciples who were closest to him are suffering much more than me, but I hope that we can recover and honor what the Son of God has brought to Israel, not to be wasted. I will follow Jesus and put myself in his hands. I accept his grace and forgiveness of my sins that comes with it. And for the love that I have, I want to step forward and share this gospel I was taught, in the name of Jesus. But I'm still a coward, I wonder, having died the Master, from whence cometh the power we need, the disciples and me.
Some women who are with us, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary, the sister of Lazarus, have left early this morning to visit the tomb of Jesus. They just came in haste, panting from the race and emotion. And we announce something amazing: they have seen an angel and has told his disciples to meet Jesus in Galilee, for He has risen, and Jesus himself has come before them to confirm that it is true. Death has been defeated. A new grace opens before us that forgiveness is eternal, complete, perfect. I doubt for a moment whether I belong to go, then I smile and abandonment to God's mercy. Of course I also meet with the Master in Galilee.
No hay comentarios:
Publicar un comentario